what Mr. McCain can learn from Mr. Sears and Mr. Roebuck

When I was in college, I spent two summers working at the Sears store in Clearwater. I was on the "flying squad," filling in when people went on their vacation . . . two weeks in sporting goods, two weeks in building materials, two weeks in shoes, and so on, everywhere but ladies' clothing and the sewing machine department.

One of the department managers gave me an important lesson in salesmanship, which is, "Don't knock the competition. You won't sell anything by saying how bad the other guy's products are." If a customer is in Sears, holding a shirt, you won't sell it by saying how terrible Montgomery Ward shirts are. The customer may just walk out, empty-handed, and check out the shirts at Penney's instead.

Sears products are in three grades - Good, Better, and Best. The good products are perfectly good, for the money. For a few dollars more you can get a better one, and for a few more dollars, the best one.

I wish Senator McCain would learn the lesson I learned from the Sears department manager. There were reasons why I might have wanted to vote for him, months ago, but I've forgotten what they were. All I've heard lately is how bad the competition is. Unfortunately, we don't get to go to Penney's for a third choice. The other choice is Senator Obama, and he is looking better the more McCain tries to slime him. McCain should merchandise himself like Sears, by saying Obama is good but I'm better. Instead, we see him with this smirk on his face. Senator McCain, a smirk does not become you. It makes you look like a man with an intestinal disorder.

I am particularly tired of this silly nonsense about the 1960's radical, William Ayers. Young people may be unaware of this, but there were a lot of people in the 1960's who thought they were radicals or wished they could be radicals. We each had a different definition of what a "radical" was. The revolution we predicted failed before it started. We got our hair cut, we got jobs and families and mortgages, and now we are looking at AARP membership application forms, asking ourselves where the old guy we see in the mirror came from.

Not everybody wanted to be a radical; some became Republicans. In college, at places like USC and the U. of Florida, they became student politicians. There they learned the tactics of campaign dirty tricks called (please pardon my French) ratfucking, which they put to good use when they went to work for the Nixon campaign.

It seems clear to me that ratfucking is alive and well among the supporters of the McCain campaign, judging from the number of emails I get from people trying to tell me how bad Obama is. Try this: Go to Snopes.com and search for "Obama." You will be amazed at the lies being told about the man. I am deleting these emails as fast as they come in. They will not change my mind. My doctor told me something the other day I've never heard before, which is that I have high blood pressure. She gave me three months to bring it down, or she will prescribe pills. To combat high blood pressure I am tuning out the presidential campaign. For the rest of this month, all I will care about is whether the Rays can win the American League pennant and then win the World Series. Doctor's orders.