why people hate lawyers; old guys rule

Credit to the International Municipal Lawyers Association for these stories:

The $54 million (originally $64 million) pants suit has been ruled on by a judge of the Superior Court of the District of Columbia. Roy Pearson, an administrative law judge [who represented himself - remind me to tell you about lawyers who represent themselves], sued the owners of his neighborhood dry-cleaners after they allegedly lost a pair of pants he had brought in for alterations, claiming they tried to pass off another pair of pants as his.

The defendants insisted that the pants they attempted to return to him, which he refused to accept, were the pants that he brought in to be altered. Among other things, the plaintiff argued that a "Satisfaction Guaranteed" sign displayed in the dry-cleaners was an unconditional warranty that required the defendants to honor any claim by any customer, without limitation.

The court disagreed: "A reasonable consumer would not interpret 'Satisfaction Guaranteed' to mean that a merchant is required to satisfy a customer's unreasonable demands or to accede to demands that the merchant has reasonable grounds to dispute." The court also ruled that the plaintiff had not proved that the pants the defendants attempted to return to him were not the pants he brought in for alterations. The plaintiff was entitled to nothing in the way of damages (one headline: "Loses Pants, Now Suit"). See it here: http://www.dccourts.gov/dccourts/superior/index.jsp

Meanwhile:

According to a recent news report, 65-year-old Bob Hayden, a former police chief, and a gray-haired retired US Marine Corps captain, age not specified, subdued a passenger on an aircraft after the passenger's behavior became alarming. The stewardess looked around for help but the young guys were averting their eyes. Mr. Hayden's wife of 42 years barely looked up from her book while the struggle occurred. "Bob's been shot at. He's been stabbed. He's taken knives away. He knows how to handle those situations. I figured he would go up there and step on somebody's neck, and that would be the end of it. I knew how that situation would end. I didn't know how the book would end." (Source: Boston Globe, June 5, 2007. See it here: http://tinyurl.com/2n8bqc).