spammers should be dragged out and shot

It's a Sunday morning and I'm not going to church today because my "virus" has settled into my latissimus dorsi (in this case, dorsus?) running down my right side, feeling like a pulled muscle. I've had to sleep in the recliner in the living room two nights in a row because, lying down, there is no comfortable position. The last time this happened to me I felt like I'd been stabbed in the middle of the back with a hot ice pick and a doctor told me it was a virus. May this never happen to you.

I mention this to explain why I'm sitting in front of a computer instead of attacking a long list of overdue projects. In checking e-mail, I see that I'll never feel alone as long as there are spammers out there sending me tons of solicitations for drugs and worse. What amazes me is how stupid the spammers are - and, by extension, how stupid some people must be because they wouldn't waste their time if they weren't selling stuff.

For example, I keep getting spam from "Doctor." Because Gmail lets me see the first few lines of the message without opening it, I see that "Doctor" is selling vliqagra, vloagra, vleagra, vitagra, and vlfagra, apparently in an (unsuccessful) attempt to defeat spam filters by misspelling "viagra." I also have spam from Overheard E. Supperannuat and Christmas Anderson, both selling misspelled pharmaceuticals (a word which is always misspelled, too) and Amandi Tomlin (whose subject line is "albumin, may wiretapping"). Just what kind of fools do they think we are?

This has me steamed up to the point that I've forgotten my sore back. Maybe I should put up the ladder and install that motion-detecting outdoor light. Or, finish copying songs from a stack of music CD's and return them to the library before the fines start racking up. That's a tough choice. Maybe I should ask my old buddy, Overheard E. Supperannuat, for his advice.

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